Alzheimer’s is like a prison. At times, Mom was locked behind doors literally for her safety, but the biggest prison was her brain which was closing in on her more and more. She was lost and did not know where she was. We would get glimpses of her now and then. I would long for her to be with Jesus. I knew then I would have so much peace knowing where she was and who she was with. 

The last year of Mom’s life was the hardest for those that loved her. We had moved her to another facility because she was no longer a candidate for their assisted living. We moved her to a facility that had an assisted living dementia unit. Unfortunately, soon after she got there, she had to have surgery for numerous compression fractures. When she returned from the hospital, she had to go to their rehab unit. Every move was torture. She would cry and beg us not to leave her. She was so scared and did not know where she was or what was happening. It was the worst feeling to walk away and leave her. I would lay in bed at night tortured not knowing if she had settled down or if she was truly receiving good care by the nurses I had not had time to develop a relationship with. I was always restless and never at peace. 

Within just a few months, Mom’s health had declined to the point that we had to transfer her to  long term care. Every day, she would beg me to carry her home. I do not think she really knew who I was at this point but she knew I was a familiar face. She was always glad to see me, my sister, and brother. She thought she was in school and that they were laughing and making fun of her. She did not understand how to do the school work and this upset her so much. She thought her mother was 45 years old. Most days, after trying to get her to settle by distracting her, I would just sneak out without telling her goodbye. This hurt my heart but not as bad as seeing her upset. 

Every day Mom would beg to go home. I think “home” was more of a feeling maybe just to be with us or perhaps Heaven. She often had a look of fear and panic in her eyes. It was almost more than we could bear but we continued to go visit her daily. It did become too much for my children to bear. Knowing what this was doing to my heart, I chose to protect my children from this pain. They did go occasionally.

One of the most beneficial ways I found to calm Mom was to turn on worship music. Because she grew up listening to hymns, I kept a CD of hymns at her bedside. I would turn on the hymns, crawl in bed with her, and often we would both fall asleep. The Lord would calm both our hearts and give us much needed rest. I believe it was then that she was closest to home until she met Jesus face to face.

My prayer during those days was often for God to show me His Presence in a tangible way.  The time that the Lord answered my prayer in one of the most profound ways was while visiting with another resident (a dementia patient). We were having a delightful conversation when suddenly she started praying the most beautiful prayer over me saying “God I do not know what you have for this ladies life but please reveal it to her”. We talked a while longer then she started praying over me again. I sure felt His Presence in that hall that day and was blessed by this beautiful soul.

This was the hardest year of my life. Seeing my mother suffer and feeling like I had no control over the situation  was the most heart wrenching trial I have ever been through. Almost a year to the date of Mom moving into long-term care, Mom saw Jesus face to face. Her prison chains were broken and she was made whole again. I was at peace knowing where she was and who she was with but I started being tormented by something that happened on the last day of her life. I will share that story in my next blog. 

If you, my friend, are caring for a loved one with dementia, my greatest advice is to cling to Jesus. It was because of Him that I was able to find any joy throughout this season of my life. Because I never knew what each day was going to bring, even though we never really do, we just think we do, the Lord taught me to live each day and not make plans for the future. I used to be very organized and a planner. Through this experience, I do not plan much at all. I know this drives some of my friends and family crazy, but it really simplifies life. There are lessons to be learned in any trial in life. Sometimes you have to relive those trials in order to learn those lessons.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:26