You never know how life is going to turn out. My mom had a fear of being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She had several siblings that had Alzheimer’s warranting her fear. Several years after she retired, she was faced with her worst fear. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2012.

Initially, Mom was able to continue to live at home, drive, and maintain her independence. As Alzheimer’s began to rob her of her memory she began to lose her independence. For Mom, the first thing I noticed that was most alarming was she was having trouble driving to familiar places. One day as I was coming home from the grocery store, I saw her leaving our neighborhood. I was expecting her to be at our house. I knew she was having trouble finding our house. It was not long before she showed up out front of our house and she never mentioned having trouble finding it. I knew I had to do something. The next time I went with her to the doctor, I slipped the nurse a note saying I was worried about her driving. The doctor handled it beautifully. He told her he needed her to go take a driving test to make sure she was capable of driving. He explained to her with dementia, the reflexes can be slowed down. He told her she could not drive until she renewed her license. I carried her to take the driving test and she did not pass. She just could not believe she had not passed. This was the start of her losing her independence. 

She continued to live at home, about 30 minutes from me. I would go to visit her at least once a week and carry her to the grocery store, doctors’ appointments, and to run any errands. She did not like not being able to drive but in true Mom fashion she accepted what she could not change. We continued this for several months.

One day, I was home and Mom called me and said “they have been having a party all night”. I questioned her who they were and she said those people over there. I questioned her where she was and she was behind a chair in her den. I knew immediately she was hallucinating. I could not get to her fast enough. I packed her a bag and brought her to my house. I knew the time had come that she could no longer live alone. We decided as a family that she would live with us. Unlike her acceptance of not being able to drive, she did not accept this move well at all. She just did not understand why she could not live at home, or why we were doing this to her. She would be in her bedroom crying and I would be in my closet crying. I made several calls to The Alzheimer’s Association to get guidance. They have counselors available 24/7 and guided me through some of the most difficult days. 

I cherished the time I had with Mom at our house but it was very difficult. Lionel and I were trying to take care of Mom and raise an 11 year old and 9 year old. Mom was very unhappy and scared. She told me one day that part of her memory was just gone. I can not imagine how scary it must have been for her to be aware of losing her memory.

We tried to take advantage of the time we had with her by making good memories. We would go out to lunch, go shopping, all hang out on the couch watching tv together and celebrate each chance we got. These good times were mixed with very difficult times. The children had been cooking supper once a week and serving the family. Mom did not really understand what they were doing and why so she would go into the kitchen while they were cooking and try to help them. This left them very frustrated. I would often get frustrated with Mom in the moments. She really just wanted to help, which was her servant heart. She would want to help me with washing clothes or cleaning up the kitchen. I was so stubborn because I wanted it done my way so I would discourage her from helping. I greatly regret this today. We all want a purpose in life and I was stripping her of purpose. There are greater things in life than having things done your way. It was a hard lesson for me and at Mom’s expense. 

Mom lived with us for eight months. I realized we had to find another place for her to live after she hit Matt a couple times. We knew it was not Mom that hit Matt, she loved him with all her heart and would have never done such a thing. It was Alzheimer’s that was doing this but I knew I had to protect my children. 

This was just the beginning of a roller coaster on which we were living for the next 5 years. I am a different person today because of Alzheimer’s. The Lord has guided, shaped, carried, and sustained us. 

During the first year of Mom’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, the Lord started teaching me the importance of relationships, especially my relationship with Him and family. I nurtured my relationship with the Lord by getting up early in the morning to spend time with Him in prayer and reading a daily devotional. When I was having a hard day, I would go to my bedroom or go take a shower and crank up the worship music. It became my escape. 

I already had a good relationship with my brother and sister, but us taking care of Mom carried our relationship to a whole other level. We all worked together in making decisions and supporting one another. They were always available when I needed them whether to come sit with Mom or to talk and support one another on the phone. They had to listen to me vent a lot. 

The Lord helped me to focus on each day and not think too much about the future. His Word says “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34. I had always been a planner. Because I had no idea what each day was going to bring, I had to learn to live for each day and not make plans. I am still not much of a planner today. There is so much freedom in living for today even though I often drive people crazy because of not planning. 

Alzheimer’s is a long, hard disease for both the patient and the caregivers. For any caregivers, I encourage you to take care of yourself so you can take care of your loved one. Balance personal time with caring for them. Lean on the Lord to walk you through and at times carry you through the hard days. Lastly, realize the importance of each and every day by focusing on the things that matter most and letting go of those things that do not matter. 

•