Living and caring for a loved one with dementia is a roller coaster. My last post was about Mom’s diagnosis and the eight months she lived with us. After living with us for eight months, we moved her from our home to a memory care facility. It took a few weeks of preparing Mom before the move. We had home health coming several days a week to help oversee Mom’s care during that time. Her home health nurse was phenomenal. She helped to guide us in many things but was wonderful in helping me prepare Mom for the move. We sat down and told Mom about the move in a very direct way. It was a process for us all. Some days Mom was accepting of the move and other days she was crying, saying she just did not understand why we did not want her to live with us anymore. I learned over time the least said about it, the better. 

Mom moved and only lived there a short period of time. She was very unhappy. They would call me many nights to tell me that Mom was upset. Unfortunately, Mom had a fall and ended up in the hospital just weeks after her move. 

While in the hospital she continued to decline. She had a flat affect, she was weak, and her memory was declining rapidly. Her neurologist told us she had 4-6 months to live. She was discharged to a long term care nursing home.  

At this facility, she continued to decline. We did not feel she was getting good care. Mom seemed to be heavily sedated, her blood sugars were out of control, and she was very unhappy. We knew we had to get her out of there. 

We started visiting different facilities and discovered most had a waiting list. We went to one knowing the wait list was long. They immediately told us they did not have any beds in the memory care unit. As we talked, they said we actually have one bed but it is in the room with another resident that makes noises. Mom was so out of it at this point we did not think this would make any difference. We decided to take the room. 

The day we moved Mom to this facility was one of the worst days of my life. She told me and my sister if we left her there to never come back. She just could not believe we would do this to her. She even reared back to hit my sister. The nurse told us to leave and that they would take care of her;, she would be ok. The minute I got in my car, a cousin that I never heard from called me to see how I was doing. The Lord’s timing for that call was perfect. She had been through caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s and she was able to speak so much wisdom and reassurance to me at a time I needed it most. The Lord knew what I needed and used my cousin to speak into my life.  

The following day, Mom saw the doctor that took care of all the patients at the facility. At the meeting, Mom was sweet and kind to me like nothing had happened the day before. The doctor evaluated all of her medicines and took her off the majority of them. She was on antidepressants, Alzheimer meds, and many more; some we did not even know why she was taking them because she had been on them so long.  His plan was to slowly add back the ones that were necessary.The transformation we saw in Mom was amazing after getting her off almost all her medicine. Her affect changed, she became more active, and her mind cleared. She was admitted to the memory care unit in July and had been given 4-6 months to live, and now she was thriving. We were singing the Lord’s Praises. 

The Lord was faithful in carrying us every step of the way. He went before us and prepared the way, guiding and directing each step. Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” I always felt the Lord’s Presence and knew He was with us. I did get very discouraged many times though. We often did not know if we were making the right decisions and questioned our decisions. But, the Lord was faithful in walking with us, sometimes carrying us when we felt lost and alone. 

One thing I did to stay focused on the Lord was I used my vanity mirror as a message board. I would use an expo marker and write Bible verses and encouraging notes to myself. This was one of the greatest ways I stayed focused on the things that mattered most.

My next post, I will write about the next four years that Mom spent in assisted living. She thrived there for the majority of the time. I believe she lived some of her best days that she had had in many years there. We had the opportunity to make some wonderful memories that I hold on to dearly today.